Satire/Commentary/Opinion by Bud Meyers
UPDATE: April 5, 2010 - The National Snow & Ice Data Center reports that the Arctic ice cap has gained almost the average levels of ice again.
You wanna know what really annoys me? It's that has-been actor on TV, pitching a line in that pathetic commercial, pleading with us to "ACT NOW!" before all those cute teddy bears polar bears die.........and IN OUR LIFETIME! Can you believe it? Can you imagine that? IN OUR LIFETIME!
It appeared as though he was trying to convince us of his "genuine concern" and tried to pretend he was on the verge of tears, but to me....his lousy acting abilities only made him look like a big sissy. Nobody is as sincere or cries better than my hero, Glenn Beck. (I wonder how much money that actor was being paid for his clumsey efforts?)
And even if the polar bears DO die - - - I say, "So frigging what? Good riddance to 'em all."
Polar bears are violent and vicious cold-blooded killers. They kill in very cold places where few people ever go, like the North Pole (and they have once been known to threaten Santa Claus!). Polar bears have no empathy for anyone else. They only care about themselves; and polar bears don't share their food with Grizzly or Brown bears either. Polar bears don't believe in tolerance or diversity.
Polar bears are very selfish. They will eat all the best endangered fish themselves, not caring one iota for their human brothers - - - and only leave their crappy pile of "you-know-what" behind. Their carbon foot print is enormous. When they fart their methane explosions are almost as large and as offensive as Al Gore's (and just as flammable).
Polar bears do not contribute to society. All they do every day is jump from one stupid iceberg to another...on a perpetual vacation, without a care in the world. Polar bears are very lazy and are not productive at all, unlike the beavers, who build dams or the ants, who build farms. (Though Polar bears DO make for very nice fur coats and attractive living-room rugs.)
After the end of the BIG Ice Age (and the polar ice caps melted the last time) all those poor polar bears went extinct. Unlike the grizzly or brown bears (that took millions of years of evolution to exist as they do today) modern polar bears have quickly evolved after only a few short years from single-celled organisms.
(As opposed to some wild and radical theories that over 100,000 years ago, the polar bears were thought to have diverged from a population of brown bears that became isolated during a period of glaciation in the Pleistocene. One subspecies of polar bear, the Ursus Maritimus Tyrannus, became extinct during the Pleistocene Period and the ancient Neanderthal's carbon footprint is thought to be the blame for their demise.)
Polar bears are obese, weighing up to 770 -1500 pounds...because they are very mean, and eat all those cute little baby seals! The polar bear kills the seal by biting its head to crush its skull. Polar bears are blood-thirsty carnivores with no conscience at all! (Have you ever noticed how evil and empty their beady little eyes are?)
...and those claws and teeth will rip you to pieces!
Polar bears will attack and eat an adorable and cuddly walrus as well, and polar bears have been to known to be cannibals too...eating their own family members. They are extremely unpredictable and are also known to kill and eat innocent humans (but only conservative Republicans, not rotten liberal Democrats, who leave a very bad taste in their mouth.)
Polar bears are NOT eco-friendly. They accumulate high levels of organic pollutants such as PCBs and pesticides due to their heavy diet in seal blubber, and their bodies are among the most contaminated of Arctic mammals. Polar bears are not "green" creatures.
I say, "Survival of the fittest" and move on with human progress! Polar bears should be quickly eradicated from the planet so we humans do not have to suffer the indignity of watching those goofy TV commercials with "happy" actors frowning at us with unhappy faces...and passing judgment upon our mortal souls.
Polar bears have been illegally poaching on valuable oil-rich land for far too long! I say, "Drill, baby, drill!" We need to put the all those twisted environmentalists in an insane asylum, and then evict those good-for-nothing polar bears. Our country needs to be energy independent from foreign oil!
And if the Socialists in Europe, South America and Africa want my money, they can live in a zoo with the polar bears before they get one red dime from me, and force me to "spread MY wealth around"!
Kill the polar bears! - they're destroying our economy, enabling liberal whackos, and polluting out planet!
(...then we should go after all the wild buffalo that have been blatantly roaming our plains.)
Everything you need to know about the current climate debate:
Hydrogen - American Energy in 2010 and Beyond
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog3.php/2010/01/08/hydrogen-american-energy-in-2010-and-bey
What If All the Ice Melts? - Myths and Realities
http://tobuds.com/blogs/full-story/myth.htm
Kill the Polar Bears! - They're Destroying Our Planet!
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2010/01/03/kill-the-polar-bears-they-re-destroying
Cooling Down the Cassandras - By George F. Will - Washington Post
http://tobuds.com/blogs/full-story/myth2.htm
Carbon Emissions, Human Population, and Ice Ages - What it Really Means
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/12/20/carbon-emissions-human-population-and-ic
Evidence Surfaces from 1782 Disputing Global Warming
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/12/19/more-evidence-surfaces-disputing-global
New York Times Reports Global Cooling!
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/12/18/new-york-times-reports-global-cooling
Copenhagen: Scamming the American Taxpayers with "Climate Change"
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/12/12/copenhagen-scamming-the-american-taxpaye
Climategate Scandal - "Harry Read Me" File - Cap and Trade Farce
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog5.php/2009/12/01/climategate-s-harry-read-me-file-is-a-mu
Al Gore's Fear Mongering on "Climate Change" - Cap and Trade Scam
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/11/10/obama-s-and-al-gore-s-fear-mongering-on
Obama - Intergovernmental Panel on "Climate Change" (IPCC) - Climategate
http://tobuds.com/blogs/blog1.php/2009/12/06/obama-intergovernmental-panel-on-climate
DETAILED HISTORICAL DATA (from other posts)
http://www.geocraft.com/WVFossils/Carboniferous_climate.html
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1806245/posts
http://www.aip.org/history/climate/cycles.htm#L_0252
http://www.carbonify.com/carbon-dioxide-levels.htm
http:// www.climateaudit.org
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